In my experience, one of the hardest things to talk about and one of the things that doesn't get talked about enough in relationships is sex. How are you going to know what your partner likes and doesn't like if you don't talk about it? How are you going to know that last nights romp in the hay was is good for your partner as it was for you if you don't talk about it? Most importantly, how are you going to know that what you're doing in bed is okay if you don't talk about it with your partner? Here's a little secret not everybody has the same sexual aspirations as others. Your dirty little fantasy might be the one thing that turns your waning sexual activity into a bedroom marathon. But you're never going to know if you don't talk about it.
The next topic is money. Money is the one thing that always needs to be talked about but almost always starts a fight. You need to establish with your partner how money is going to be handled. Straight out the gate you need to establish whether the funds are combined or kept separate and don't deviate from that I must you have a good long conversation and come to the conclusion that it needs to change. For instance: my partner and I have decided that funds are combined in our house. This being the case we discuss every single little purchase. If I'm out shopping and I want to buy myself a coffee, I'll text my partner and ask her if that's alright. If my partner is out and wants to buy a chocolate bar, she'll text me and ask if that's alright. Each month we have a small amount of money, that's almost like an allowance. It sounds kind of cheesy and maybe even a little bit childish but it really does make us think about the purchases that we make. This means that if we want to buy rather extravagant gift for the other person we have to save up for it. This, in turn gives us a little bit of time to find out if the gift that we're giving is actually something that are better half wants. One of the worst feelings I think, is giving your partner gift and then realizing that it's not really something that your partner wanted in the first place. Which leads me to my next topic...
Giving gifts. Yes discuss gifts. At the start of our relationship my partner was forever buying me cut flowers. I love flowers, as long as they're alive. You see the problem here? My all-time favorite gift, is a little care package full of stupid little trinkets from the dollar store. They tickle me to bits. My partner wouldn't know this if I hadn't told them.
Please lay ground rules for arguments. Discuss words that should never be used, neither in anger nor play. Discuss how you vent your anger. My partner needs to walk away when she gets too angry. I need to be left alone for 15 minutes. Also discuss what you need to deal with certain emotions. When I'm happy I am a very touchy-feely kind of person, I like the hugs & I like the kisses. When I'm angry or afraid or grieving and it makes me cry, I need to be just left alone to feel those emotions. Human beings are very emotionally complex creatures. If you don't talk about how to handle those emotions with your partner it's going to make life very difficult. Or at least it has in my experience.
Now I've outlined a lot of really heavy topics right here. But it really is important to talk about everything. Talk about how your day was, talk about your hopes and dreams and aspirations. Talk about your plans for your future and how you see your partner working in. Talk about your favorite chores and your least favorite chores, you never know your partner might love to do the dishes when you hate to do them, and you might love to do the dusting while your partner really does not.
Good communication with your partner, means that you won't never be left wondering where you stand in your relationship. In my opinion that makes all the hard shit in life irrelevant.
